"Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of. but do it in private
and wash your hands afterwards." --Robert Heinlein.

We've moved!

For the next two years (Summer 2014-Summer 2016) I'll be blogging our family's adventures in China at www.chinesemileposts.wordpress.com

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Silence

I don't remember if I ever mentioned this on the blog, but when we announced my pregnancy with Mystery Baby here, at 20 weeks and a few days, it was one of the first announcements we made.  We didn't want to tell our kids until we knew if it was a boy or a girl, so we waited until that ultrasound at 20 weeks.  Next we told our families.  Then Facebook and Blog Land.  I think other than Jed and my doctors, the only people who we told early were his sister (because we were spending some time with her at about 19 weeks and it was going to be obvious to anyone who knew me, saw me and spent any time with me (and was over 10 years old) that I was pregnant).  It turns out she'd been suspicious for months, so our big reveal wasn't so big.  I also told my BFF about it, but she lives in Arizona far away from anyone else she could spill the beans to.

So this silence, spending 20 weeks pregnant and not being able to tell anyone, was torture.  It made me want to be really anti-social (more so than normal) because I didn't want to flat out lie about it.  I didn't want to be around people too long and create suspicion that might lead to questions.  I didn't want to be involved in any conversations about pregnant people or new babies.  In the past, when these conversations happened, I would flat out deny being pregnant (because I wasn't), so my silence in any new conversation would indicate a change in my pregnancy status.

It was a weird five months.  And it wouldn't have been the end of the world had people found out, we just wanted the kids to know first and then getting to 20 weeks became sort of a game.  Each Sunday I'd have to model my outfit for Brandon and ask him if I looked pregnant.  Usually he'd say no, or you look like you've gained a little weight but not necessarily pregnant weight. 

I was thinking of all this today because I still feel like I'm being anti-social, but because I'm home with a new baby, and even when I'm out and about, I feel like a zombie due to sleep deprivation so it's only like I'm half there.  So if my conversation seems a bit lacking, it's because I'm tired.

4 comments:

Angela said...

I hate the first trimester silence. Its hard because you are so sick, tired, emotional and you can't let anyone know. I also started showing super early on my second so everyone thought I was gaining weight. I can't even imagine waiting for 20 weeks. Impressive!

Alanna said...

Yeah, that's why I just tell everyone pretty much right away. I'm not very good at keeping secrets anyway (ironically, I'm good at flat-out lying, but I try to NOT encourage myself in this area!). I always figure that if I have a miscarriage, all the more reason for people to know and be understanding, rather than just assuming that I suddenly lost it. Although I've been watching my expanding belly and wondering how in the WORLD you kept it hidden for so long!

And, by the way, it's good to know that you don't just hate me and/or are trying to keep away so I don't cough all over your baby! One of these days we'll have to hang out so I can hold him!

wendys said...

I hate telling people I'm pregnant because I hate the weird comments and awful questions. I've even got "was this a planned pregnancy?" by a coworker.

Myk said...

quite the impressive secrecy feat!

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