Silence

I don't remember if I ever mentioned this on the blog, but when we announced my pregnancy with Mystery Baby here, at 20 weeks and a few days, it was one of the first announcements we made.  We didn't want to tell our kids until we knew if it was a boy or a girl, so we waited until that ultrasound at 20 weeks.  Next we told our families.  Then Facebook and Blog Land.  I think other than Jed and my doctors, the only people who we told early were his sister (because we were spending some time with her at about 19 weeks and it was going to be obvious to anyone who knew me, saw me and spent any time with me (and was over 10 years old) that I was pregnant).  It turns out she'd been suspicious for months, so our big reveal wasn't so big.  I also told my BFF about it, but she lives in Arizona far away from anyone else she could spill the beans to.

So this silence, spending 20 weeks pregnant and not being able to tell anyone, was torture.  It made me want to be really anti-social (more so than normal) because I didn't want to flat out lie about it.  I didn't want to be around people too long and create suspicion that might lead to questions.  I didn't want to be involved in any conversations about pregnant people or new babies.  In the past, when these conversations happened, I would flat out deny being pregnant (because I wasn't), so my silence in any new conversation would indicate a change in my pregnancy status.

It was a weird five months.  And it wouldn't have been the end of the world had people found out, we just wanted the kids to know first and then getting to 20 weeks became sort of a game.  Each Sunday I'd have to model my outfit for Brandon and ask him if I looked pregnant.  Usually he'd say no, or you look like you've gained a little weight but not necessarily pregnant weight. 

I was thinking of all this today because I still feel like I'm being anti-social, but because I'm home with a new baby, and even when I'm out and about, I feel like a zombie due to sleep deprivation so it's only like I'm half there.  So if my conversation seems a bit lacking, it's because I'm tired.