Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Negativity
My husband is always convinced that someone (or everyone) hates him. This makes it difficult to know if he's really reading people correctly, or just being negative and convincing himself of other people's dislike for him. I could list of some of our closest friends and he would be able to convince me that they probably hate him. I can list off names of complete strangers from church, and he'd be able, with information to back up his claims, to come up with some reason they hate him. It's almost a talent he has. It's gotten to the point that he has me really convinced that friends, strangers, acquaintances, family members, etc. feel a strong dislike for him, but when it really comes down to it, they don't. I don't think...
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I'm actually the same way, as are many of my family members, starting (we think) with my Grandma Bentley. We call it the Bentley Curse. I remember being startled when I was in high school and we had to take personality tests and mine said that I had a tendency to think people hated me for no reason at all. Since then I've tried to overcome this, sometimes more successfully than at other times (a lot depends on what time of the month it is!), but it's hard. But rest assured your husband certainly isn't the only one with this problem!!!
And by the way, I like you just fine, for what it's worth. I don't think I've ever spoken to your husband, so I don't really have an opinion about him, other than this new sense of having something in common that I will never bring up in a conversation ever...
"It is clear to me now that, owing to my unbounded vanity and to the high standard I set for myself, I often looked at myself with furious discontent, which verged on loathing, and so I inwardly attributed the same feeling to everyone." - Notes From the Underground
LOL! I have to laugh at Alanna's comment because at one point she thought I was one of the "haters"!!
I think it's easy to read into others actions, but we're usually wrong. And your husband's quote is perfect! Yet, I think these kinds of feeling often come from our own insecurities.
Adam does the same thing. We can participate in the same conversation and have completely opposite opinions about what was said. Its weird...
I had a conversation with Natalie about this very thing. I generally think that people don't like me when I first meet them. The feeling wears off a bit as time goes. In fact, I didn't think that you, Nat, and Erin didn't like me at first. I don't know, maybe you didn't. :)
As far as Jed goes, Erik and I really like him. And we're pretty picky. The interesting thing about your post is that he convinces you that it could be true.
I'm glad you wrote this, Nancy. Greg is much the same way. It is hard for me to understand because I just generally like people, and I think his thoughts stem from the fact that he has to really warm up to people, and often doesn't really like them (so they must feel the same way). Anyway, it's good for me to know that he's not the only one, though the causes may be different.
so glad my husband isn't the only one! it's so frustrating, especially when i know for a fact that the people he thinks hate him have told me how much they like him!!!!! oy...men. :)
I'm very sad though that we didn't get the chance to know you guys better for the short time our paths were crossed :) I'm pretty sure our families would have gotten along great!
Brandon is a likeable guy, funny and interesting. Don't listen to him! Lydia is often negative and I don't know how to talk her out of it when she is on a downward spiral.
I am shocked to hear that Kristi thought we didn't like her! Good thing she got over that quick enough!
I just found your witty blog through MMB! I am your newest follower! I will be checking back!
You can find me at
http://tricias-take.blogspot.com/
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