"Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of. but do it in private
and wash your hands afterwards." --Robert Heinlein.

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For the next two years (Summer 2014-Summer 2016) I'll be blogging our family's adventures in China at www.chinesemileposts.wordpress.com

Thursday, November 13, 2008

A Mother's Paranoia

When Princess Sparkley was born I was not only new at the whole being a mom thing, I was new to kids in general. Up until my first nephew was born when I was 18, I hadn't so much liked other people's kids. I hated babysitting and only did it when I felt too guilty not to, or if my mom convinced me I should. So Princess Sparkley was a shock to my system.

When she was a newborn I was terrified of her being kidnapped. I'm guessing it had something to do with the Elizabeth Smart kidnapping that happened just a couple months before Princess Sparkley was born. I would just worry and worry. I can remember thinking "there's no way I went through all of that [labor, birthing, etc.] to have someone kidnap her. " This was very soon after she was born and I was still recovering from an enormously long and painful labor and delivery.

When Buddy was born, I wasn't as concerned about him being kidnapped. I know I worried, but not about anything specific. Probably I just worried that I was going to lose my mind with two kids so close in age (Princess Sparkley and Buddy are 20 1/2 months apart). At one point, Jed called from work to see how I was doing and I'd just changed the 7th poopie diaper in a row, alternating between the two kids. Ahhh.

With Baby X, Jed and I both worry that he'll die. Not because of his heart... well, yes because of his heart, that is a worry. But mostly we worry that he'll have survived his heart problem, had this procedure to fix it, be doing so well, and then die of something totally avoidable like choking on a Cheerio or suffocating under a blanket. I woke up this morning panicked because it was 6:30 AM and I hadn't heard from him since I'd put him in bed at 8 or 8:30 PM. He was fine, of course. But I lay in bed for a minute convincing myself that when I got up to look in his crib he'd be cold and unmoving. Does any other mom do this to herself??

7 comments:

LisAway said...

My friend, whose little boy was just diagnosed with hydrocephalis, recently posted about a similar experience here.

Angela said...

I worry about my kids and they aren't even born yet. I worried about P.S. when she was born because she slept all the time, I thought there was something wrong with her. I didn't realize that newborns only sleep.

Jamie said...

welcome to my life

JT said...

You don't have to be a mother to have those feelings. I used to fear that my wiggly R would fall out of my arms and off a tall bridge near where I worked (the Rio Grande Bridge near Taos). R. chokes so much that inevitably I run to her rescue at least a couple of times a week.

The Man Your Husband Is Worried About said...

For the record, I don't worry as much as you about our kids dying, because if they die before their eight, they're good to go. I worry about our kids growing up to be crack addicts or whores and I think, "There's no way I'm going to be poor for the next 25 years just so you can ruin it all by getting knocked up in high school!"
Secondly, mad props for the correct past participle of "to lie."

Erin said...

Whenever my kids have slept for an unusually long time, I always check on them with fear, touching their hand to see if it is warm. I guess I am not the only one. I never have worried about kidnapping, but once I lost Lydia at Hy-Vee. I was frantic and scared and had the clerks looking for her too. It was an awful moment. She was in the front part riding the horse.

Jenni foo foo said...

TOTALLY! My greatest fear is one of them being kidnapped...it freaks me out so bad I can't even watch the news. With each baby I've gotten better about not panicking too much over them in their sleep...but it's hard to just shut it off!

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